An impassioned editorial from Rock Turtleneck proprietor TCB Walsh (Undated file foto)
Apple released their its new Leopard operating system last week. It boasts 300 new "improvements." For example, the “Quick Look” feature allows one to view a document without opening it. This begs the question “what is open?” After all, if you can see it, it must be open. Well played, Zen Masters.
Time and again we hear how Apple “gets things right” and “stays ahead of the pack.” But there is one thing they have never been able to do right, and it makes me more frustrated than Gary Glitter at a Boy Scout convention. The geniuses at Apple have never been able to make all my iTunes songs play back at the same volume.
The other day I had my iPod Nano plugged into the Bose radio in my kitchen and had it on Shuffle Songs. The first song that came on was “Wipe Out” by the Surfaris. I adjusted the Bose to an ear-pleasing volume and suddenly, I was “in the tube” in Waikiki.
Next was “Half a Person” by the Smiths, which I uploaded from my 1987 Louder than Bombs CD. But the song’s volume was so low, Morrissey’s self loathing was barely audible. After turning the volume up from 42 to 61, all was good. But then came on “Ever Present Past” from Macca’s last record, and it was louder than the previous two tracks combined. I put down the peach compote I was preparing and turned down the volume. Next was Ray Charles. Volume back up. Beck? Back down. Miles Davis? That one was OK. But you get the idea.
With first-generation CDs from the 80s mixing with newly recorded and remastered albums, plus live recordings gathered from the far reaches and hidden nooks and crannies of the internet, my iTunes library is a volume Himalayas. But back in the heyday of the cassette deck and mix tape, this problem was simple to rectify. One simply adjusted the input level according to the deck’s VU meter and when a tape was done, everything sounded perfect.
Look around your iTunes and you will find a couple of features that are supposed to do the same thing, but they don’t really work. Sound Check, which you click and is supposed to equalize the volume of all your music, but everyone knows it doesn’t really work. One can also go into Options and adjust the volume of individual tracks but a) with thousands of songs, this would require a leave of absence from work and b) with no meter to set it to, how do you make sure every song is the same?
The playback volume crisis is the worst it’s been since the reign of Ron Burgundy. But to today’s young whippersnappers and teenyboppers, this is the way it’s always been. They don’t remember a world where a mix tape could be easily, perfectly volumized for a seamlessly ecstatic listening experience. Hell they don’t even know you used to have to go to a store to buy music. Or that you're supposed to pay for it in the first place.
Given all the stuff Apple has been able to cram into Leopard and the iPhone, figuring out some sort of technology to keep me from adjusting the volume every four minutes should be a piece of cake. Or preferably, a peach compote.
Much as miss the days of setting the VU meters JUST right (not to mention the act of hitting pause before the next song starts on the LP you're recording, or making sure you're past the "cleaner tape" at the start of a cassette), I need to point out a flaw in your logic. While I agree it would be a nuisance to manually set the volume level on all your iSongs, that's really what you did all those years with your cassettes...it's just that now you have so much more music, it SEEMS like a bigger hassle. Back in the day, recording several albums to cassette was a project, and one worthy of your meter-setting attention. These days you can rip a dozen discs without batting an eyelash.
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