Tuesday, January 22, 2013

The Star Lip-Synced Banner: Beyonce Fakes It At Obama's Innaugural

Reports that Beyonce Knowles stole the show at yesterday's inaugural for President Barack Obama's second term were quickly replaced by reports that she lip-synced the whole thing to a recording she did the day prior. Personally, I find it almost impossible to tell, and the recording itself is excellent. But her people aren't denying it. Judge for yourself.

While not a huge fan of either's musical output, Rock Turtleneck bows at the altar of black bootyliciousness that is Beyonce and her husband Jay-Z; they make even a genetically flawless couple like Brangelina look kind of lame in comparison.

But if you are invited by the President, who has already been top dog for four years and is the first black president ever, and his inaguruation is on Martin Luther King Day no less, and the benediction is given by the widow of black martyr Medgar Evers,  then, girlfriend you had better put the tape player on pause and sing live into that mike.

Beyonce's people said that it was a last minute decision and that even Yo Yo Ma finger-synced it at Obama's first inauguration. It's also been said that Whitney Houston's legendary version of the SSB from Super Bowl XXV in 1991 was also pre-recorded. but the Super Bowl doesn't have the same kind of historical gravitas.

It wouldn't be all that surprising if not for the fact that Beyonce's whole diva persona is based on hard work and outperforming and outlasting all who stand in her way. She doesn't look like she's having fun, she looks like she's achieving. In light of these circumstances, Rock Turtleneck moves that Beyonce's diva status be revoked immediately. A true diva would pull an Obama-upstaging tantrum backstage and then give an incredible live performance that makes everyone forget what a pain in the ass she is, because that's what true divas do.

For Rock Turtleneck, the gold standard of soulful "Star-Spangled Banner"s was laid down by Mr. Marvin Gaye at the 1983 NBA All-Star Game. He gave Francis Scott Key's war-torn ballad just what it needed: a little slice of Sexual Healing. He turned it from a call to arms to a booty call.

Well done, Marvin. Let me freshen up - I'll be over in half an hour.