Smoke 'Em if You've Got 'Em

A few days ago Congress passed a bill giving the FDA unprecendented control over the tobacco industry. Curiously, all tobacco flavorings are to be outlawed (they make smoking appealing to young people), except for menthol, which is reportedly the preference of our cig-sneaking leader Barack Obama. That's power for you.

This law will no doubt save many lives. But what has gotten lost in the talk of the dangers of smoking is that some rock musicians have been able to turn cigarette smoking into an art form. So in celebration of this dying (literally) art, Rock Turtleneck is counting down Rock's Six Greatest Smokers.

#6: Eric "Slowhand" Clapton
Clapton pioneered the cigarette woven in the strings up past the nut by the tuning keys move, which has had almost as much impact on music as his actual guitar playing. Clapton worshiper Eddie Van Halen picked up this move as well.

#5: Elvis Presley
You probably didn't know the King smoked did you? That's because Elvis was also the King of smoke-sneakers. Of the literally millions of photos taken of him, only a handful show him TCSing (Taking Care of Smoking). They used to call Clinton Elvis, but in terms of smoking, Obama is the real King.



#4: Paul McCartney
Macca may not be the first smoking chap who comes to mind, but he made a mountain out of a Marlboro when he walked barefoot with a cig across Abbey Road for the iconic album cover of the same name. Nut-job Beatlemaniacs decided back then that smoking and being barefoot are symbols of death and burial in Upper Volta or somewhere. This, along with other dubious clues scattered throughout the Beatles albums and songs, meant that Paul is Dead, one of the greatest urban legends of all time.

#3: Frank Sinatra
While not a rock star per se, Ol' Blue Eyes certainly lived like one, and he sure as hell smoked like one, too. I remember reading somewhere that Frank never smoked till Happy Hour, which seems like a good policy to me. Then again, when you're Frank Sinatra, Happy Hour starts whenever you damn well please. Your money's on the dresser, baby.

#2: Bob Dylan

Folkie. Ghost of Electricity. Country Gentleman. Rolling Thunder Revuer. Born-Again Preacher. Riverboat Gambler. Smoker. Thoughout Dylan's many brilliant disguises, one constant has remained: an insatiable love of tobacco. The 1965 Dylan doc Don't Look Back is the Citizen Kane of smoking musician movies. Reading a newspaper article about himself which claims he smokes 80 cigarettes a day, Dylan says "I'm glad I'm not me." I believe he was smoking at the time.

If anti-smoking groups want to dramatically illustrate the effects of long-term tobacco use, instead of showing a black lung, they should play Dylan singing "Lay Lady Lay" in 1969 and in 2009.

#1: Keith Richards
He needs a smoke to keep him Happy. Keith Richards is the Michelangelo of rock-star smokers. The ubiquitous dangling cigarette is central to the outlaw myth not only of Keith, but of the Stones and rock in general. Finding the best picture of Keef smoking was hard - almost as hard as finding one where he's not smoking.

If Obama truly wants to cut federal spending, instead of regulating the tobacco industry, maybe he should regulate Keith Richards. Cheers, Keith. Got a light?