Going, Going, Gone: Twyla Tharp's Disastrous Dylan Musical

As predicted by Rock Turtleneck’s zeitgeist-fingering Steve Walsh, the Twyla Tharp-does-Dylan Broadway fiasco The Times They Are A-Changin’ is closing November 19 after a run of just 63 shows – and a loss of $8.5 million.

While the times may be indeed a-changin in the D.C. Beltway, they aren’t on the Great White Way. A bad idea – such as taking Bob Dylan’s visionary, enigmatic, eccentric music & lyrics and turning them into a modern dance/show-tune bouillabaisse – is still a bad idea.

In celebration of the show’s closing, here are five Dylan lyrics that will thankfully never be subject to “interpretation” by Twyla Tharp.

What can I say about Claudette
Ain’t seen her since January
She could be respectably married
Or running a whorehouse in Buenos Aires
(“Groom’s Still Waiting at the Altar”)

But even the President of the United States
Sometimes must have to stand naked
(“It’s Alright, Ma (I’m Only Bleeding)”)

Feel like falling in love with the first woman I meet
Putting her in a wheelbarrow and rolling her down the street
(“Things Have Changed”)

I ordered some suzette
I said "Could you please make that crepe?"
(“Bob Dylan’s 115th Dream”)

Well, the comic book and me, just us, we caught the bus
The poor little chauffeur, though, she was back in bed
On the very next day, with a nose full of pus
Yea! Heavy and a bottle of bread
(Yea! Heavy and a bottle of bread”)